Tiny footprints , Huge destruction

This is meant to be funny , even when I am complaining about my kids... please note that it it is a tool I use in order to not go crazy as a parent. I have four boys from toddler to senior in high school , they are the love of my life , my meaning for existence and a lot of times the reason I feel like my freaking head is going to explode . I always say that when I retire I am going to move in with each of them a few month a year each and rotate accordingly , I have always told them that what ever they do to me I will do back in my retirement years . for example each one has slept in my bed for the first three years of their lives ( one still don't know length of time yet but yes he is there ) so picture it , me 65 years old sleeping between my son and his new wife , or peeing my pants in the store , breaking furniture e.t.c. you get the point I cant freaking wait to get even .


The most amazing thing to me is how different they are , My oldest son and youngest son have engaging personalities towards me and make me feel like I am wanted , the oldest though is horrible in school with grades , he has been grounded more by himself probably more than his whole senior class . I assume the baby will follow this pattern too . My middle two sons put me through the ringer at home , argue every point , throw stuff around and are in general spoiled brats , however they are great in school , the teachers say how wonderful they are to teach and their smiles light up the room . The oldest has common sense and knows when to shut up and stop pushing , the next two younger ones just don't care and will push you until you go off the deep end on them !!!.


Anyway I am going to highlight some of the things that I have gone through with each of them , I am going to start with the oldest because he came along first and my memory is fading fast , This poor child has had to be at the forefront of me stumbling through parent hood , every parenting mistake he has gotten first , when he was younger he got the parenting of a nineteen year old boy who had not had a lot of parenting guidance himself , My first order of business was honesty , I figured hell this kid is going to face enough dishonest people in his life and have enough natural let downs , break ups e.t.c that I just was absolutely not going to lie to my children so as soon as he was old enough to comprehend what I was saying I sat him down and boldly explained that there was no fat man coming down the chimney in a red suit , that's right I told him flat out that there was no Santa Claus !!! , I was so proud of myself being one of the very few truly honest parents in the world , imagine how great the world would be if all parents were this honest and all was absolutely perfect until about his second week of kindergarten when he came home and told me that he had told all the kids on his bus that there was no Santa .... Yeah ! oh shit was my thought too , I avoided those parental /school outings until about second grade . Needless to say I figured out that a little white lie never hurt anything ..and we moved on .
Same child new story , he was about two years old at the time and he was always a child that I thought listened very well , If I told him to go take a nap we would give me a Little glare and go get in bed without any back talk , that's right I was a bad ass parent , I had a two year old that listened and I ruled with an iron hand . well at the time we were living with my father in an apartment that had a huge living room with hard wood floors and was a very dark room really only the light from the windows came in and most of the time they were shaded , one particular day my son and I were sitting watching TV , I on the couch and he was in the chair on the other side of the room , I happened to look over and seen that he was playing with his gum twirling and stretching it out as far as it would go until it broke , I asked him to please stop playing with his gum , a few minutes later I looked over and there he was playing with his gum again ! so I say a little firmer quit playing with your gum !! he gives me a blank look but complies , about 5 minutes later I look over and there he is stretching the gum out of his mouth .. that was it I blew a gasket , I said go throw that god @^#* gum away , again with the blank look , I said boy I swear to god if I get up and have to take you to the garbage to throw away that gum you are not going to like it , again I got the blank stare , that was enough . I abruptly stood up and he bolted to the kitchen , yeah iron fist !!!! so I casually walk to the doorway to the kitchen where the garbage is and look around the corner and there he is standing in front of the garbage with his head hanging low , blonde curly hair , blue tie die t shirt , tan cargo shorts , I will never forget this moment ! Boy did you throw it away , I said in a fatherly voice , he turns his head around and looks at me with tears in his eyes and as fast as I could blink he yanks down his shorts and kicks them to the side picks them up and throws them very hard in the garbage , he then looked up at me and went stomping past me back into the living room . I was stunned what the hell just happened , then it hit me like a train, he was two he couldn't chew gum , he was chewing on the string to his shorts , yeah that probably left some scars. as the time has passed it has been a lot of fun with my oldest son he has such a good easy going personality that it make parenting easy , the same can not be said for my next son ...
Boy number 2 came along in 1993 he is now a freshman in high school and is a truly gifted child , he is one of those people that things just come easy to him academics , sports , friends . The deal is pretty much what he wants he gets so if he wants to catch the ball he will do everything he can to catch it without regard to his own body or surroundings , now from a parent point of view think of how he was oh say wanting to go to McDonald's or new baseball bat . This child has torn me up over the last 14 years with wanting . we have fought and argued over practically everything , what is best is that he is not afraid to tell you off , that same tenacity that he goes after a baseball with , he kicks my ass with ( verbally ) . And so is my segway to story number three ( second son ) , we were at Burger king having a family outing and at the time there were only three boys , when we got done eating we were going out to our lovely brown mini van and the younger two started arguing at the time I think the youngest was two if even and somehow they had something to fight about , as they were climbing in I notice the older boy do something to the younger ( can not remember exactly ) , I said son if you do not cut that out you can walk home , wouldn't you know it that little shit jumped back out of the van and said OK , well I figured he was calling my bluff , so i said OK thinking that as he was only seven or so that he would be afraid to walk down the streets of Newark by himself , I headed for the drivers door for the van and he headed for the sidewalk , I got in the van and my wife said you cant let him walk , I said "he will be back he is not going to walk " and he kept going , well this is the image that is burned into my mind this tiny child with a burger king crown on drinking a drink out of the straw stomping away from us down the sidewalks of Newark , Yeah he wasn't coming back , he was just as happy to take his chance of being kidnapped than riding in the back of the van with his little brother , I ended up chasing him down and making him get in the van , seems like this has been the pattern for 14 years
The next story for this son is every parents dream , almost , It was fathers day and he was in the first grade , well if you are a parent you know the gifts that you get , On this particular year it was a hand written story about me that he had written , It started out with My dad has blond hair and Blue eyes , the next sentence was my dad does not like children ! . I looked like an idiot again , I sat down with him and explained that just because we have disagreements that did not mean that I did not like children , I thought we were good with the issue , very next year same small child , this time it is mothers day , the story goes my mothers name , my mom has blond hair and blue eyes , I like my mom because she stops my dad from spanking me !! . OK all i am thinking is child protective services , jail who knows maybe a boyfriend named bubba , These stories with this son are all very similar all his life where he is basically messing with me and I am being pushed off the deep end , needless to say when I do get to my retirement years with this one , pay back is going to be fun , maybe a few self inflicted bruises !!!!
Child #3 , Boy again !! now 11 . this son's attitude is an exact replica of my second son , oh joy !!!
he has not liked me or many others since day one . he has a very wonderful heart and can be very sweet at times , but like his older brother he will tell you exactly what is on his mind no matter what , i don't know where they get that ! . The story for this son is one of my most bone headed moves to date . It started with the next oldest taking a photography class in school and telling me he needed to take pictures of something in motion . I suggested taking a picture of our jack Russel terrier pulling an air Jordan to catch a tennis ball , he can get some vertical and thought it was doable .. well after about the tenth try it was obvious that it was not going to work . so the new game plan was to use the 11 year old in the photo instead of the dog and take a picture of the tennis ball bouncing off his forehead . sounded like a good plan so he got the camera ready and the 11 year old sat Indian style in the middle of the floor waiting for his big moment , ok count down 3--2--1 go ! i toss the tennis ball , perfect angle , height , speed and suddenly the jack Russel comes flying out of no where and is now what appears to be kissing my 11 year old boy , oh crap i am in trouble with mom ( who had gone to the store for milk at the time )the dog bit a hole right through his upper lip ..He started crying and holding his mouth , I explained it was just a little blood as I followed him to the bathroom , when we got to the sink he pulled his hand away from his mouth to expose a gusher of blood and then we both started freaking out , him because of the blood and me because mom would be home any second ...... so I start the water and start cleaning his mouth up as fast as i can , cleaning the blood from the sink I notice out of the corner of my eye a shadow standing in the door way . Mom's home !! yeah that was not a very good moment in my parenting skills , he is ok just a small scar and will probably never go along with any of my ideas any more .
Child #4 , Boy again , now 3 , I don't have any great stories of my parenting yet for this son , I do anticipate that i will , his little attitude is starting to show through and as it turns out he is like all his brothers . I can tell from his standard greeting , I get home from work and he will rush through the house throw his arms around my legs and say " I love you retard ", yeah he is some where in the middle .
I know that even though these boys have given me alot of stress along the way that I would be nothing without them , they have guided me through some of the most difficult times of my life , and I am forever in debt to them for that . Love ya boys